I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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