bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
