Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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