my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize