i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
