alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
