You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
