He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
