I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think pants incapable of making pants work
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
