I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
