before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
