It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize