I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize