i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
