The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
