Buhtt sex?
there's paper in my vomit.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
