i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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