that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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