Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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