We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize