she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
