She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As shirtless as possible
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
