You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
