hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
