Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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