So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize