Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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