I am in a vortex of obligation.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
