I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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