you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
