So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
