I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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