I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
