Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
