she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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