VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
