Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
