I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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