It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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