I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my shit smells like andre
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
