Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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