There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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