wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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