oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
