Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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