hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well I just put wine in my tea
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
