I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
