was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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