Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
