there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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