I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize