I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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