If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
