Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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