I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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