Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
