Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
