Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
