after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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