then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
