I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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