I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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