Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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