OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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