we're blogging at a bar
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
