Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
