soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
