wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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