david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
