"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
