Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
