Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
