I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
