The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
